Transatlanticism
by Collie Parkillo
Summary: "Even if I can't see...I...I'm glad to be alive, Eren." [eremin, post-series, blind!au]


Armin doesn't know what's stronger; the warm pulse of Eren's hand clenched in his, or the sound of the waves crashing in the not-so-far distance. His mouth opens to form a word, but nothing comes out.

"Armin," Eren finally says. A beginning, at least.

"I-it's...beautiful."

Armin waits for Eren to say something in response, to hit him with a snarky 'But you can't even see it' but nothing comes and it makes Armin wonder how much Eren has really changed over the past few years.

"Isn't it?" Eren's voice is a gentle whisper, and Armin knows that he's smiling, not the one he puts on for the Lance Corporal or the cocky one that he reserves for Jean. He's smiling the way Eren Jaeger used to when they were younger and they'd go out on their own in the middle of the night and watch the stars.

"I c-can't believe it…" Armin's voice cracks, and he wonders if he's going to cry. Fitting, after all these years of trying to prove that he's more than a weak, useless crybaby, he's going to cry.

"Come on, Eren!" Jean calls back, and Eren snaps something at him that Armin doesn't catch because he's too busy listening to the woosh, woosh that the waves make on the shore. It sounds like a distant memory that he can't quite pull together. Maybe it's of his mother or of Mikasa, or maybe even of Eren.

And then he knows what he's remembering. He's remembering being able to see.

There's never been any sound more vivid, more real than the ocean, and his mind (his vast, glorious mind, the one that Eren praises so often and that too many people take for granted) can pull together something that's almost like sight, a picture of greens and blues and purples covered in foam and it's the best thing he's felt for years.

"Armin, hurry up," Eren urges, but there's no threat in his voice. "Don't you want to feel the water?"

"Don't rush me," Armin replies, and that earns a little laugh from Eren, but Armin quickens his pace because if the ocean has such an effect on his dull, sightless eyes, then feeling it surely will have even more.

It was just an accident, really. He'd gone too fast and the titan's claws were too quick and then everything was black and it stayed black, not like the other times he'd fallen and hit his head. And then came the soft, warm bandages and Eren massaging his twisted, broken muscles and it had been like being dead, soft and hot and dark and pleasant.

"Wait, stop, Eren." Eren does as he says, not questioning it. "I need to take off my shoes. Silly me." Armin removes his boots, fumbling for the laces and eventually just pulling them loose. His sweat-soaked socks go next, and the next thing he knows is that the sand is softer than anything he's ever felt since he was a child and oh, god, it feels good.

"I-it's so warm," he says, not able to keep the awe out of his voice.

"It's white, like snow," Eren says, tugging Armin's hand so as to move him along. "Can you feel the little bits of shells in it?" Armin nods, stepping on something sharp that he assumes is a shell. "They're gray and tan and some of them shine the way the moon did back behind Wall Rose. Do you remember that, Armin?"

When Armin lost his sight and his ability to fight properly, something in Eren changed that to this day, Armin can't quite pinpoint what he lost and what he gained. But Eren was gentle and kind all of the sudden and he held Armin's hand tighter than he used to and sometimes when he thought Armin was sleeping Armin swore he could feel him pressing kisses to his bloody, ruined eyelids.

"I remember," Armin says absentmindedly, more focused on the softness of the sand and the way it sticks to the skin between his toes. "If I were to be buried alive, I'd like it to be here."

Eren laughs loudly. "Only you, Armin. Only you." It's a cryptic comment, unlike Eren, but a sweet one.

The soft, warm sand gives way to cooler, flatter sand, and Armin can feel smooth, wet rocks dotting the ground. "We're almost there, Armin."

"I can tell." The sand loses all traces of rough warmth and it's smooth and wet and the ocean is lapping at Armin's toes. The sharp, dry scent of salt is everywhere and he realizes that he can hear seagulls calling in the distance. The whole endeavor is like nothing he's ever felt before, the water is cool and fresh and the dry, scarred skin of his feet is suddenly smoothened out, and although a slight sting sparks up in his old scars, somehow it still feels good.

"You just gonna stand there or are you actually gonna get wet?" Eren pulls him forward, and before Armin knows it he's on his knees in the cold, fresh water. For a moment, he feels a pang of sadness as he realizes that he can't see how clear and blue it must be, how beautiful it probably is.

"We're so fucking lucky," Eren says, his voice practically a hoarse whisper. "So fucking lucky, Armin. We lived. We lived through that whole fucking thing. The titans and all the training and the dying and you lost your fucking eyes but you lived, we fucking lived!" Eren's voice rises from a whisper to a yell, and although Armin can't make out who it is, someone starts applauding and it spreads, soon the whole squad is applauding.

"I'm just...glad...to be alive…" Armin says, considerably more gently than Eren. "Even if I can't see...I'm glad that I can at least feel." It sounds clichéd and stupid when he says it, and the applause ceases.

"That was deep," Jean finally says, and then everyone's laughing, Armin even swears that he can hear Mikasa's quiet, reserved giggle that rarely ever comes out. He's so wrapped up in the sounds and smells and sounds that he's unsuspecting when Eren splashes him, and he splashes back and somehow manages to hit him. What results is random splashing, since Armin can't really hit Eren and Eren doesn't really have the heart to sneak up on the blind kid.

After what seems like hours of playing in the water, the group turns to quiet and Armin can hear Ymir and Christa kissing and somebody letting out a long, contented sigh.

And then Armin realizes that his tears are rolling out of his eyes, warm and saltier than the ocean. "Armin! What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," he replies, wiping his face on his sleeve. "I'm c-crying...because I'm...happy." He hiccups, and then the tears dissolve into a stream of soft hiccups as Eren wraps his arms around him and Armin allows himself to sink into Eren's chest.

"I love you, Eren."

The words are out before he can stop them and think about what he's saying, because he really, truly, does love Eren. Eren who nursed him back to health and wiped away his tears when they fell from his empty eyes and Eren who swears at all the wrong times and he loves Eren because Eren was_ there_ and when everyone thought he was useless, Eren was the one who would defend him.

He's about to apologize-tell Eren that he didn't know what he was saying, that he meant it only platonically, but before he has a chance to Eren cuts off the words rising in his throat.

"I love you too, Armin."

* * *

**G ROSS SOBBING NOISES also i dont own snk **


End file.
